Here for you
When a loved one dies their passing will, undoubtedly, be a traumatic intervention in your life. The first thing it will do is throw up an array of emotions that you might not have experienced for some time. Secondly it will result in questions, hundreds of questions. What happens now? What do I do? Where do I go? There may even be some unusual circumstances surrounding the death, possibly requiring the assistance of a Coroner or even repatriation of a body.
That’s why we have developed this website, not purely as an ‘advert’ for the services of Eric F. Box Funeral Directors, but more as an educational resource designed to answer many of the questions that you will undoubtedly have.
TALK TO THE LIVING
A major turning point in ‘attitudes to bereavement’ was when the Funeral and Memorial Information Council (FAMIC) – made up of 10 funeral service associations – united with one voice to launch a grassroots public education campaign in 2014.
Have the Talk of a Lifetime was designed to motivate loved ones (adult children, aging adults) to talk about life, what mattered to them and what they valued most. Its sentiments are as pertinent today as they were when the campaign first launched. By talking ‘in life’, it means that when the time comes, that conversation can be used as a basis for planning the most meaningful of funerals.
Eric F. Box Funeral Directors remains commited to communicating this original campaign’s goals to as many families as possible, so that we help people better understand the importance of celebrating a life ‘well lived’, as opposed to exclusively ‘mourning’ someone’s passing.
IT’S GOOD TO TALK!
Time waits for no man (or woman!) so have the ‘talk’ now, not tomorrow, not next week, today! There are no rules it’s just a case of making time and picking your moment. Some questions for your loved one:
- What did you think of the music ‘I’ used to play?
- What are some of your favourite songs?
- Tell me about your teachers at school. What did you learn from them?
- What was the one piece of advice you received from your parents or grandparents that you have never forgotten or passed on?
- Where did you and your friends hang out at school?
- What is your proudest achievement?
- Tell me about the most memorable summer you had when you were growing up.
- Tell me about your first job. What did you learn that’s helped over the years?
- Tell me about one of the most difficult things you have had to do. What did you learn from it?
- How would you like to be remembered as a person?
- Is there one thing specific thing you want people to remember about you?
- How would you like your family and friends to commemorate your life when you die? Is there something special you would like us to do?
If you’ve had that all important ‘talk’ great; if you haven’t, don’t worry! Chatting with someone while they are still around is far easier than making assumptions on their behalf when they are no longer with us. However, people had to make ‘assumptions’ for centuries because ‘talking’ in the way we do these days, certainly wasn’t a norm in the past.
Save to say whether it’s ‘had chat’ or ‘didn’t have chat’ Eric F. Box Funeral Directors have been working with families since 1853 so we know a thing or two about what to say, what to do and how best to help bereaved, perhaps even confused or upset, families.
We support relatives and friends as they plan services that are personal and meaningful – services that help families heal by reflecting on the way their loved one changed lives.
Eric F. Box Funeral Directors will guide you, support you and provide resources to help you make quality decisions informed by compassion and care. Whether it is traditional funeral or something totally different, there is always room for personalization. A celebration of life should be as unique as the individual being remembered.
Grief
Acceptance of the loss of someone dear to you is, perhaps, the first stage of the grieving process, whilst the funeral is to both mourn your loss and celebrate the ‘life’ of your loved one. Grief is normal, it is not an illness, and it will not last forever, although there may be times when it seems as though the pain will never end.
We hope that this section will help reassure you that you are not alone in what you feel. Below is a list of feelings and emotions that many people go through when they experience true loss:
- Numbness, bad tempers, fear.
- Jealousy of others, loneliness, shock.
- A change in feelings. Phrases like: “I don’t feel anything.”
- Feeling unwell, crying, frustration.
- Feeling guilty then eventually, starting to feel better.
In the first days of loss it can be hard to believe that life will ever be good or happy again. Of course it will never be the same as it was, but it can be good once more. Take heart.
The first step towards recovery is the hardest of all – facing the reality of death. This is about acceptance and, for many people, attending a funeral is the first step in facing this reality.
Bereavement means, literally, to be deprived by death. After someone close to you dies, you go through a process of mourning. The visible sign of mourning is grief, which encompasses a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms that you experience after loss. However, bereavement is not restricted to people who have lost someone they have known for a long time, it is also experienced by people who have had stillbirths, miscarriages or lost a young baby.
Grief is vital in order to accept a deep loss and carry on with your life. If you do not grieve at the time of death, or shortly after, you may keep the grief bottled up inside you. This may cause emotional problems or physical illness later on. Grief is positive and, eventually, promotes well-being.
Everyone is different and each person grieves in his or her own way. Swift changes of mood are normal and you may experience anger, feelings of guilt, yearning for the person who has died, feelings of loneliness and isolation; all these are some of the normal emotions associated with grief.
The funeral may be the only time during bereavement that you feel comfortable expressing your public sorrow, but don’t worry about this, it is a very normal process.
It robs us of someone we love dearly and shatters our sense of security and possibly identity. You may feel alone and ostracised. Some feelings may seem unnatural. At times you may feel on a high at other times desperately low. Again, these are very natural and rational feelings when experiencing grief.
With a painful and daunting task and the challenge of finding a new sense of life and purpose. Mixed emotions, with highs and lows on good and bad days.
If you pay for your plan in 12 monthly instalments, you have additional rights over and above the 30 days mentioned above. In this case, you can cancel your plan any time within 12 months of Golden Leaves putting your plan in place and you will still get back any money that you have paid.
If you cancel after the 30 day period or 12 month period outlined above, you can still cancel and get back the money that you have paid but Golden Leaves will keep a £249 charge for administration.
Grief support
the samaritans
24 hour helpline support every day of the year for anyone in distress including those who are feeling suicidal.
Cruse Bereavement Care
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Provides one-to-one and other support to the bereaved via a network of local branches. Find the one nearest to you on the above website.
Miscarriage Association
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Originally founded by people who had experienced miscarriage, it continues to provide support and encourage good care by professionals.
SANDS
Welcomes calls from anyone affected by a stillbirth of a baby, including family, friends or professionals. Calls still taken long after the event.
Child Bereavement UK
A charity that focuses on training professionals who work with families and children affected by death. The organisation also produces excellent resources which are available to the bereaved, and to anyone supporting them.
Child Death Helpline
Helpline support for anyone affected by the death of a child, irrespective of the age of the child, the relationship or the length of time since death. Provided by Great Ormond Street and Royal Liverpool Children’s Hospitals.
Winston’s Wish
Gives support to those caring for children affected by the death of a parent or sibling, and to the children themselves.
Telephone and local group support for anyone affected by the death of a child. Please note that this charity supports people irrespective of the age of the child at the time of death i.e. the child may have reached adulthood.
Childhood Bereavement Network
www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk
Although this organisation is mainly a professional network, their website has a good search facility on its front page to allow you to find support services for children in your local area.
Children & Grief
Be honest! Children are not stupid, they are just smaller versions of ourselves and tend to see things in a simpler, more innocent way. If someone suddenly ‘disappears’ then you have to find a way of explaining that. Best advice? Be honest.
Generations of the Box family have had children of their own and each and everyone of them has been introduced to the concept of death. Phrases within our family have been things like: “She’s dead sweetheart, not alive. You might not understand what I mean just now but you will when you get a bit older.” Our comments are always informed by honesty and reality. What we have never done is create an inappropriate world of fantasy that might only serve to confuse.
Eulogies
The content is entirely up to you, however, a eulogy has to set the scene. Quite often there may be people in the church, or wherever you are gathered, that knew the deceased but, perhaps, didn’t know them in the same way that family members and close relatives did. That’s why you should think about including some, if not all, of the following:
- Birth details.
- Nick names.
- Education
- Where they worked / Military service overview
- Details about marriage and children
- Hobbies, favourite pastimes & sporting achievements
- Community involvement / Clubs/Society memberships.
- Acknowledge guests who have attended
Paint a picture of a life well lived!
